Good day, my dear reader!
How are you? How are your loved ones? I hope everybody is more than ok!
As the title says, today I’ll write my two cents regarding how I believe a romantic relationship should look like!
First of all, just to get this out of my way, I want to let you know I’m not an expert in love. By far. All the relationships I had until this point failed one way or another. And I’m sure I’m partial to blame for that.
Every romantic relationship should start with passion!
If passion is not there in the beginning, when do you expect it to come? Passion and excitement usually appear when you encounter someone new, right? Because as the time goes by, you get used to that person and that passion changes… The question is: passion changes into what?
Passion should transform into love!
Personally, I don’t believe in love at first sight! Why? Because that’s not love. Not the way I see it.
I think love should be the thing that determines you to get out of the bed in the middle of the night to go bring your loved one a glass of water because that person is too tired to do it themselves. And love is what makes you do that with a smile on your face and the desire to make your loved one feel better, not with the desire that you might get lucky the next day (if you know what I mean).
Love at first sight is actually physical attraction and the desire to get your hands and legs and whatever you have wrapped around that person. That’s it. You don’t know that person, so how do you know if you are compatible? Maybe I’m too old and I don’t understand love… Am I?
A relationship should have ups and downs!
Casual fights are inevitable. The two in that relationship have their problems, frustrations, desires, dreams and so on. Sometimes those things are not the same for both members, so it makes sense to argue from time to time. You will probably reach out to a consensus, but there is a process to get to that. Otherwise frustrations will accumulate in time and when it bursts, all hell breaks loose!
My experience was all about accumulating frustrations because people tend to lie. There is such a lack of real conversation because everybody wants to be seen strong and perfect, when the reality is that we are all humans and we are allowed to be vulnerable. But of course, this might go to the extreme where people tend to victimize themselves and complain all day long that they have a crappy life. The thing is that you are part of their life too.
Anyways, love is not that complicated if the two are honest with each other. I think that’s all it takes. Honesty and commitment. If one of the two thinks the things don’t go that well, they should be comfortable having an hones discussion to figure things out. And if they decide it is better to be separated, then that should be it.
Love has so much drama into it. It’s crazy.
These were my thoughts! Looking forward for your comments!
Love,
Elena
PS: If you enjoy my content, I will think of you while drinking my coffee. – BuyMeACoffee
My son, this blog and coffee is what keeps me alive and going while fighting alcoholism!
Short Wisdom 
Oh my gosh, it’s like you have been observing everything I have done wrong in relationships and wrote a post about it. 😀 Very nicely said. #truth
Well, as I said, we are only humans. Thank you very much for reading!
Great blog, Elena 🙂 I’m in a happy marriage of 10 years and my husband and I had firey passion at the beginning as you said and that grew into love. It’s why I match up Alun’s socks and make sure his Nursing scrubs are clean and hanging up for his day at work and why he lovingly makes me lunch to take to work (sometimes with a note “I love you, have a good day xx” “You can do it” “I’m so proud of you”). It’s the little things that add up to a lasting relationship, I think.
Indeed it’s the little things! Thank you very much for reading and for sharing your thoughts! ❤
Elena, keep writing, it helps you make it through. If I were to write about the same thing, I would totally do it and keep it to myself. I admire how brave you are sharing your thoughts and feelings. Best of luck!
Thank you very much, Milena! ❤
💜 Exist, Experiment and Experience EveryOne; because We Get It WRONG!!! by calling it a “Romantic Relationship” as it is a Cuddly, Cosy Connection with Awesome Sex as a Bonus
…💛💚💙…
Might be. Thank you for being here and sharing your thoughts! ❤
💜 The Couple who Change Together Stay Together; people split and break up due to Stuff in The Head, people Stay Together ❤️ ✨️ ♥️ 😊 💙 🙏🏿 ❤️ from The Heart and Trust Third Parties to Get To Bottom of why a “Romanti
Romantic Relationship seems to be Failing…”
…💛💚💙…
💜 Trust The Heart; because The Head is infallible
…💛💚💙…
Very true!
Sounds like a good foundation to develop a lasting relationship. Know what you want from each other. Know what you want from a relationship.
YES! Thank you for being here!
I’m on my own, but feeling bold,
Full of ailments, getting old,
Having freed myself from the stranglehold,
My dreams now, dissolved
But not ready yet to be yold…
Glad to see we are likeminded,
Your words should be defended…
With my thanks, included! 👍
Taketh care.
Love your poem ❤️
Awesome poem! ❤ Thank you for sharing!
Ode to a BEAUTY That BLINDS
Her looks transcend the barrier called fair
His heart and will to resist her she binds
Thinking naught but of her smile he pines
For the release of her bouncy brown hair
Her leaving his small realm he could not bear
Like the silky long curls her finger winds
He’s limp, all for that beauty that blinds
From all else yet at her helpless he’d stare.
While seeing the shallows though not the signs
Showing more than a pretty visual layer
Whether the twain may too meet with their minds,
Hearts will share their most secrets should they dare
Feelings far further than vague dating lines
To know eternity their souls shall share.
How awesome is this! ❤
I agree with the point that a romantic relationship should start with passion.
I was once in a relationship that I felt nothing in the beginning for my partner and hoped love would come with time but it didn’t come and i found the relationship boring.
When I was in the next relationship after that one, I could easily overlook offences because I loved my partner whereas in the previous relationship, it was difficult to overlook many annoying stuff.
Brief but good relationship advice there.
I so relate, Benjamin. I married my 1st husband with absolutely no physical attraction and hoped it would grow. We were married 7 years before I finally asked for a divorce because passion in my case didn’t grow. I’m of the opinion it has to be there to begin with or it won’t be there at all, now.
It is sad the way things turned out between you and your first husband. It is however liberating to come to terms with reality rather than keep pretending to each other.
Some mistakes can be costly. However, when lessons are learnt, you earn so much more than you lost.
I pray you find love and happiness in your next relationship.
Thank you so much, Benjamin 😀 I’m happy to report I went a bit WILD after my first marriage on a dating spree and broke all the “rules” I had grown up with as a Christian. I had a wonderful time, met and fell in love with my 2nd Husband and am delighted to tell you we’re so happy together ❤️ God is good and not every “rule” should be followed. It’s more important to build up a close relationship with God (in MY case, anyway – you do you, I hope I’m not coming across as “preachy”) and follow my heart on romantic issues.
Wow. I am delighted to hear that you are in a happy relationship. I am glad you shared your experience.
I strongly believe the world would be a much better place if we shared our stories more. We are so similar in many ways. We struggle with the same problems and the more we compare our lives by opening up to one another, the better our chances of understanding our problems and coming up with ways to heal one another.
I wish your relationship the very best!
I wish you health, happiness and blessing in every area of your life. You sound like such a kind person.
A big amen to that. Thank you so much for your kind words, Janet.
Thank you, Benjamin! ❤
You are welcome, Elena.
A healthy relationship: boundaries set and respected, mutual happiness for each other’s accomplishments, both parties are happy each other are creating even if they don’t like everything they make; empathy is a must also.
Yes, very true, Jen! Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
It starts with passion, it ends up with enduring each other’s flaws and admiring each other’s strong points. If the scale is balanced the relationship is healthy.
Love that. I so agree 👍
Indeed! Thank you!
I think trust is very important for romantic relationship. By the way, nice article. 👍
Yes, trust is essential! Thank you!
“Otherwise frustrations will accumulate in time and when it bursts, all hell breaks loose!” That is my boyfriend!
It is like he slowly pumps up a balloon in 3 to 4 months and then, BANG! Haha.
In the beginning that was really an issue in our relationship because I felt attacked, now I learned to keep calm and let him have his explosion, we settle things in the weeks after.
Nice to read!
Thank you, Anna, for sharing your experience! I guess that’s his thing. If you’re both ok afterwards, it’s awesome! ❤
Commitment in my relationship is one sided it seems sometimes and honesty well, if he only knew how to tell the truth. When we get along it’s great And when we don’t well like you said all hell breaks loose.
When commitment is only one sided, it is a real burden for the other… I hope things will get better.
Thank you very much for reading!
Hello, Elena! We’re the same, I also don’t believe in love at first sight. I love your thoughts on this. 😊
Thank you! ❤
You’re welcome, my friend!
Thanks for this beautiful blog✨
Thank you for reading! ❤
Little things take the relationship so far🙂very well described Elena
Riddhi
Thank you, Riddi!
Makes sense 💜 beautiful
Hi
Yeah every relationship got to be defined
It’s not easy for partners to be honest to one another and be committed in the relationship
Nice
I don’t believe in love at first sight too, but for me loyalty is everything in a relationship. Wise words 🙌
Good advice quite practical
Someone who has been married for some time I feel that love is not the only thing needed to keep a relationship healthy. There has to be respect and mutual understanding.
Actually I think you’ve left out a step. Many *affairs* start in passion, but even then the passion is formed when one person feels another taking interest in what they say, questions are honestly answered, desires honestly delivered, everything one’s other life doesn’t have, ultimately agreeing that boundaries are worth crossing.
A relationship, on the other hand, starts, and continues, in friendship. The friendship is a slow brew kind of being pleased that someone is listening and being prepared to listen. It moves on to choices to spend time together, shared interests, and allowing the other to enter your personal space. It is also on all these points that one can determine a relationship has broken down.
It is in this shared personal space that passion is born, but, in order to thrive, the relationship must remain rooted in friendship, not blossom into control, or sarcasm, or comparing.
In friendship, trust is born. In passion alone, the fervency has its time, but then a rapid cooling occurs, and without the friendship to lean on, it’s dead.
That said, you have many commenters and I have few, so who am I to say you missed the point?
🙂
I love this thought and your honesty, relationships can be difficult and have many ups and downs, I think that you are right about love at first sight, having been married 4 times I think that sometimes I got caught up in the idea of love whereas it was probably more lustful.
Communication is a key for me now and honesty, if something doesn’t fit with my ideals and boundaries then I would rather talk about it and if the relationship ends then so be it.
I too am in recovery and am now 25 years sober and enjoy nothing more than a coffee and a chat with friends, I wish you well in your continued journey and the future that is open to you and your family 👪 🤗💙
I’m wondering who could dare claim that they are an expert in love!
Contrary to popular shared belief, I’m against passion in the beginning. Mostly because it is usually a result of extreme idealization of the other person; that is, of seeing the other person not as they are but as they you would like them to be, driven by your desires and preferences. Usually, although not always if you are lucky, a disappointment follows at some point. I prefer the passion which is built up as you get to know the other person.
As for the lying part, I don’t know if people tend to lie, but definitely they tend to pretend a lot. Love would be indeed simple if people were honest with each other. But then again, if people were actually honest, love would not occur in the first place, because people’s ideals and preferences about love are often unrealistic. Why people tend to pretend? Because they are fully aware of who they actually are and know that nobody would like them – or at least this is what they think.
This is most definitely a realistic view on how relationships should be to be honest