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I loved once… Or I think I did. It’s been more than 5 years since I haven’t spoken to that person. And I still think about him. Does this mean I loved him? And if I did, I’m afraid to ask, but do I still do?

After he left the country, I started seeing someone else. It was fun for a while. We even got married and had a kid. But I never saw my ex-husband the way I saw him. Maybe all I need is closure. But you know what? I don’t know if I really want that. I don’t want to find out if he ever thinks about what we had… about we could’ve had.

Life has its flow. And we think everything must have some sort of meaning. And we keep trying to find it even if that meaning exists or not. When things get though, it is helpful to think there is a path to happiness planned for us that we just cannot see at that point in time. But does it exist? I tend to think not when I remember the moments I had with him. Why did he had to leave? Why did he denied having feelings for me when we was around me 24/7 either physically or through phone? Why did he have to move?

I genuinely believe silence is more painful than honesty. And that’s because the questions remain. At least, when someone is honest, it hurts like hell for a while, but the wounds will heal. When questions remain, it’s like getting stabbed all over again in the same wounds. It never heals.

Love is a tricky thing. You never know when it starts and when it stops. And you keep question yourself: Is it over? Or am I numbing? But then again, if it was over, the questions won’t be there. Or maybe they are there as checkpoints. But guess what? Checkpoints don’t exist when the game is over.

Aaanyways, I just had a melancholic thought and I wanted to share it with you.

Have you ever loved? Do you still do?



PS: If you enjoy my content, I will think of you while drinking my coffee. – BuyMeACoffee

My son, this blog and coffee is what keeps me alive and going while fighting alcoholism!